A Bad Boy is a man who wants to be an ultimately fantastic man in all ways, or even Nietzsche’s “uberman”. He sees himself as the ultimate man and is narcissistic, unpredictable, dangerous, fiercely independent, selfish, cocky and inattentive to the real emotional needs of women. He is a peacock who struts his stuff, he openly uses women and usually has a crowd of them in tow. He is intoxicatingly attractive to women (regardless of his looks) and they seem to throw themselves at him thus further fuelling his massive ego). He exudes wild, untamed masculinity and the kind of confidence that slips into arrogance at the drop of a hat. He is fearless and can at times be dangerously violent. So why do women find this man so wildly attractive and addictive? Women consciously and unconsciously seek out men who can complement them or provide for them in one way or another.
Below are 5 reasons I have observed that women fall for the Bad Boy type:
Danger and Thrill Addiction The woman who is a thrill seeker or danger-junky, needing her regular fix of adrenalin shots, fun, adventure and drama will probably be very attracted to the Bad Boy. He will provide a relationship that brings with it an emotional rollercoaster ride that will keep her on her toes second guessing his every move, keeping a look out for signs of competitors moving in on her territory and ever thinking of strategic ways to keep her man interested. Interestingly, she will respond defensively when questioned by her friends and family as to why she puts up with his poor behaviour and lack of commitment: “He excites me…he is never predictable…he keeps me on my toes…I am never bored with him”.
Fulfilment of Self Image Fantasy On the whole women desire (relationships) and men that fit into their self image fantasies. As we are also socially and genetically programmed to believe that men who are more interesting, intelligent, funny and attractive make better mates, if a woman is confident and outgoing she may be attracted to a Bad Boy who is perceived to be cleverer and more exciting than the guy next door. On the surface a Bad Boy will confidently deliver the fantasy that together they can “have it all” and be “the Golden Couple”, he thus completes her confident self. If, however, a woman is less confident he is equally able to make her believe that he is the best thing FOR her and the best thing that has ever happened TO her. If a woman is vulnerable she will be prone to believe that he IS the best thing that has ever happened to her. She may well fall for his surface ‘charms’ as a shortcut to achievement and achieving the things she desires. In both examples he will make her feel amazing and portray the ability to deliver adventure, fun and excitement.
Addiction to Sex Additionally, anyone who is addicted to sex will be immediately attracted to the sexual magnetism of a Bad Boy as he emits prowess, insatiability and the persona of a master seducer. Period.
Addiction to Emoting The woman who is addicted to emoting through art or music may be attracted to the bad boy who will constantly let her down and, therefore offer a means to emotionally ‘let off’. She is hooked on the emotional highs that he may provide as well as the lows. It is the extremity of the emotions that somehow give her the feeling of “being alive”.
Means & Power Bad Boys are perceived to be cleverer than the guy next door and, again, as we are socially and genetically programmed to believe that men who are intelligent (and attractive) make better providers, as potential mothers, women are predisposed physically to be attracted to men with the ability to care for them and their future offspring. Bad Boys generally project an aura of power and the financial means to shower women with gifts and provide for their material needs. From Gangster Molls to present day Urban-Molls the message is the same: provision and protection. However, while in the past women were more reliant upon men for the well-being and financial security of themselves and their children, the past 50 years have seen women increasingly entering and dominating certain market places and workplaces to earn their own wealth and security. Yet the attraction remains.
Ultimately, any woman who wants to break free from their addiction Bad Boys or break the cycle of bad relationships will need to be honest with themselves and figure out what they really want in their lives.
Following my experiences with dating a series of ‘Bad Boys’, making poor relationship choices and surviving intact, I have gone undercover as Agent D in the battle of the sexes and set myself a goal to assist 100,000 other women to break free from their ‘Bad Boy Addiction’. Further information on Bad Boy Addiction and breaking the cycle of bad relationships can be found at www.badboydetox.com and Twitter.
