There are times when we don’t want to move on from someone we care about (but who no longer feels the same way about us). We desperately try to make things better in the hope that we can salvage the good times and revitalise the relationship. However, there comes a time when no matter how optimistic you are and how much you feel that you can save the day, you will need to move on and deal with the break up in the best way you can.
If you have recently come to the end of a relationship you probably know deep down that it is best to try to get over the relationship and MOVE ON as quickly as possible. But that this is far easier said than done especially if you were married or have children. You will probably need to go through a phase of constantly speaking with your friends and family about what happened, who was at fault and how you are feeling before attempting the next stage.
There will however, come a point when you want to move to the next stage and let go of your partner. But if you want to truly get over the person who you have been physically, psychologically and emotionally involved with for the past X weeks, Y months or Z years, then you are going to have to begin the process of forgetting them (1) on a physical level, (2) on a psychological level and (3) on an emotional level.
Below are 6 steps that will assist you to begin the process of letting go, getting over and moving on from your Ex on all 3 levels:
Step 1 – Mourn. Through mourning you give value to your loss. While there are different expressions of mourning and periods of mourning it is a natural process and part of overcoming a relationship that was once precious and valuable. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Leave past mistakes in the past but and ensure that close family and friends are part of your support system.
Step 2 – Look for the silver lining. Accept that at times we have to let go of something even though we have loved it deeply, invested a lot of time into it and visualized it lasting forever. Accept that there are experiences that simply have to come to an end in order to allow space for other experiences. Honestly commit to seeing what is good, valuable, worthy and fulfilling in all aspects of your life. Focus on your present and future rather than your past. Believe that you CAN move forward and change your life.
Step 3 – Change your environment. Physically remove anything that reminds you of your Ex. This includes photographs, gifts, messages, etc. It is far more difficult for our neurological antenna (senses) to cease focusing on something if we are feeding it information – so starve it! Physical removal of memory triggers should also include disregarding items such as favorite music, foods, perfumes, films, books, clothes etc. Anything that reminds you of your Ex needs to go!
Step 4 – Replace what you may have removed with something new and exciting. As humans, we absolutely hate the idea of losing something. It is the No1 reason we have a problem “losing” weight “giving up” smoking or “reducing our intake” of chocolate. “Replacement Therapy” is all about giving ourselves something in place of what we have lost or want to move on from. The best way is to make up for something that you have removed is with something new, exciting and beneficial.
Step 5 – Learn some mind control techniques. (a) Learn how beliefs impact thoughts and thoughts impact emotions. (b) Understand that the conscious mind can only focus on a finite number of things at once. Use this fact to focus yourself in the present rather than the past. (c) Practice “Chatter Control techniques. The “chatter in your mind” is usually set off by the sensory memory triggers we spoke of in Step 3 and result in one associated memory linking to the another. In order to truly move on psychologically from your Ex it is this constant chatter that you will need to control. Techniques such as the use of affirmations will assist as well as creating new experiences, new emotions and new memories that replace the old.
Step 6 – Connect more emotionally. Emotional connection with your friends, family and yourself at this time is vital to prevent you from social withdrawal. This will allow you to create the new emotional experiences and memories spoken of above that will mask previous experiences, memories and emotions with your Ex. Recognize that the love which we all crave comes in all shapes, sizes and forms.
Above all, stay emotionally, psychologically and physically connected in the present rather than the past. Here’s something you might be interested in to help you Forget Your Ex in 24 Hours!
More information on getting over your Ex and moving on.
